What No One Tells You About Breakups – featuring Shameless Maya

How have you gotten closure from your ex?

See the full transcript of this video at the bottom of the info box!

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Shannon “Boody” Boodram is an intimacy expert and relationship educator who promotes sexual empowerment through information and conversation. She creates contents for young adults to make better choices in their intimate lives and romantic relationships. For more info on Shan visit



Music: Instrumentals YouTube audio library

Endscreen Music
“Goes Down” By Jessame Berry & Jared Brady


How do you get closure?

My last memory of you is watching you roll your suitcase down the hall towards the elevator, away from my door and out of my life – for good this time.

The suitcase was black.

But you, that’s the foggy part. What were you wearing? How long was your beard? Were you carrying a backpack? Were you wearing a watch on the hand that held the suitcase?

Shouldn’t I know this stuff?

“You still have my key!” I yelled. You heard. But you didn’t look back.

I wasn’t going to tackle. Not this time.

So I retreated back to my space and locked the door senselessly behind myself. You still have my key. In the days that past that sentence unnerved me and kept me together at the same time – maybe you would comeback.

I fantasized that oneday I’d unlock the door to find you sitting there waiting, still wanting even though all we had left was hurting. Of course I didn’t actually want that but I was an addict who didn’t know any better or know that I was better.

Weeks after you didn’t show up on my doorstep, I abandoned that vision and clung to technology instead. Maybe a surprisingly vulnerable early morning email or late night text would start the scab:

“Where do I begin to explain? You brought to life something left for dead in me. I blamed you the person because it was easier than chasing the pain, I’m sorry. All that hiding and in the end, I lost you. I know it’s too late but I thought it was still worth saying – you didn’t deserve the worst of me and I die a little everytime I realize, that’s probably all I left you with.”

But of course that phantom message never found it’s way to me – and why would it? We were awful together, so why would we magically work well apart? And that’s the obvious part about closure that movies tend to leave out: if you were dating the kind of person who goes out of their way to exercise self insight, compassion and empathy so that you could heal – chance are you probably wouldn’t have split up in the first place. Closure has this reputation for being a team sport but in reality it isn’t usually accomplished by holding hands, it’s most often done with clenched fists as you fight off the addiction and search for meaning.

So, because you can’t always get it from them – let’s work on it together. Are you ready to let go? Close your eyes and remember.

Remember that feeling in your stomach on that date

Remember the way they made you feel small in big rooms

Remember that inspirational quote that you read over and over wishing it felt like home rather than hope on your lips,

Remember the look that never felt right, the touch that always kinda rubbed you the wrong way – remember that yes nothing worth having comes easy but having someone worth loving is not supposed to be THAT hard.

I loved you. I do not understand you. Have a nice life.


27 thoughts on “What No One Tells You About Breakups – featuring Shameless Maya”

  1. I love you guys so much thank you ♡ literally found you in a horrible part of my life and you have given me a significant amount of insight. Got me crying before work lol…

  2. Lesson learned: needing closure keeps you stuck and in a holding pattern. You give up your power when you expect your ex to give you closure. No one can give you closure better than yourself is what I learned after a long term relationship ended. I realized that closure was about me and not my ex. At the end of the day my breakup was my closure. Because no explanation was going to repair or fix the damage that was already done.

  3. In my experience…I keep having to read and reread old texts and threads of our arguments. It rehashes the wound but it makes me remember why its better off this way.

  4. What about when the breakup was your fault? And the hurt you feel is that you were a terrible person and while you want them to be happy on move on, you feel guilty if you do?

  5. I haven't found my closure yet after 4yrs of relationship…He end up marrying someone else that he don't even love. Complicated situation force him to do so. I occupied myself with work stuff, hanging with friends, went out for a normal dates to distract myself, but at the end of the day, I found myself crying, feeling sad and lonely. Hoping things will get back to used too but knows for the fact that it will never happen. I wish him for happiness every single day…time will heal for me….

  6. I wished i seen this 3years ago! This is so on point! It hit my soul when you talked about that strange look or that strange touch! Wow! So true!

  7. I think I am still working on my closure………..the break up was in 2013…..after 8 years together and growing up together…..I haven't seen let alone spoken to him since. I miss the friendship we had most….I am still angry……don't know how to get closure. the relationship was great until it wasn't.

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